Escher, Like Stairs.

February 4, 2009 in Uncategorized | Comments (0)

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if i thought house picking was terrible on my emo i knew nothing. this. this waiting. this being told it all seems good to go but we really know nothing is KILLING me emo. it almost makes me want to withdraw our offer and send R.R. (realtor rob) on a hunt to only find houses STILL OWNED by their owners. that way we can know the status of things within days and not weeks.

i’m finding it terribly difficult to not think in terms of our house/my home. i’m having trouble not decorating already in my head. i’m fighting the urge to call the painter and go look at fresh paint colours. and what about turning a window into french doors? and the master retreat, no i think it won’t be ‘our’ tv room it’ll be our library. of course we’ll have a tv in the room like now but it won’t be placed in the retreat area. again i’m already dreading the open concept of bathroom. the vanity area does not have a door. it won’t kill me. but i do like being able to close the door while i put on hose or makeup. or merely brush mah teef i have left! and the bedroom that is downstairs? do i set it up as a guest room or let the egg have it? as it would give him the illusion of space and privacy away from the main family bedrooms? or is it better as a guest room so if my gram ever comes to visit she doesn’t have to navigate the stairs?  and don’t even get me started on my own personal dread of stairs. damn fucking disney is all i can say about that. i’ve had a blessed nearly 2 years of stair-less living. i’ve been able to get to a place where complaining of pain is a mild occurrence instead of a 24/7 occurrence. i’m grateful to have been able to have this. i’m even doubly grateful to be able to afford a house in this market. but the stairs and i, i think we will have long talks and much negotiations. and like L and i were talking it’ll have to be once i’m down i’m downstairs for the day. or once i’m up thats it. i’m up. i simply cannot traverse them often. not if i want to maintain my current lifestyle of NOT HAVING CHRONIC pain. and the fact is there will also be 3 other adults who can do my running up and down. i just have to ask nicely. =)

i think i sussed out why house shopping was so hateful for me. the owners. having them there. their desperation. their anger sadness hopefulness et al. all their emotions are just broadcasting in their speech and body language and the houses were infiltrated with it. the carefully placed Staged Decor or the fuck-it-all-i-have-no-hope-left decor even the empty house was so sad and pathetic feeling. all of that negative emo just leaves me praying hoping that i don’t have to do it again. that this house is the One.

so today i bought some moving boxes. cos moving is going to happen. i bought the small size so i’ll just pack up books and tchotchkies. i can’t sit here and just do nothing while waiting. i do see this current house stuff as a another lesson in patience. the universe keeps on giving and giving and giving me the opportunities to practice patience and i frakking hate every second of it! i’ve learned not to fight the patience but i’ve not learned to embrace and like being patient. and so my evidence of hating patience is moving boxes. it’s still a forward motion. however much i feel like i’m just spinning my wheels!

and the wedding stuff, i think i’ve negotiated with M to do all my addressing of envelopes. i conveniently forgot to mention he’ll have to do it all twice!! teehee. but i plied him with nom nom cawfee beans and a book in a series he loves. so if i have to repeat the measure twice? so be it! i am actually looking forward to clearing this off my ToDo list and adding some other wedding things in…

there’s still much homework to-do. thankfully i’ve a teacher who understood why my hw didn’t get done. but this week i shall do last weeks and this weeks. i make no promises about reading 4 chapters of dreary.  and i’m worried about easter… i know she’d say shouldn’t be. i’m fairly sure she’d tell me if she’s miserable lonely. but if she’s here holed up how can she make some fraans? and maybe she really is just enjoying this time of do nothing see no one go nowhere. i dunno but still i have worry.

and here’s a few photos of the house tho not of the actual house. cos i can’t find the listing… both of these houses are in the same neighborhood and since it’s cookie cutter neighborhood looking at one is as good as the real thing.

~


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